Heywood Banks - Yeah Toast

Here are the lyrics for the fabled "Toast Song". The guy singing it is playing his drumsticks on a metal toaster.

All around the country and coast to coast
People always say, "what do you like most?"
I don’t want to brag, I don’t want to boast
I always tell 'em, "I like toast."
YEAH, TOAST!!
YEAH, TOAST!!


I get up in the morning about six A.M.
Have a little jelly, have a little jam
Take a piece of bread, put it in the slot
Push down the lever and the wires get hot,
I get toast.
YEAH, TOAST!
YEAH, TOAST!


Now, there’s no secret to toasting perfection
There’s a dial on the side and you make your selection
Push to the dark or the light and then
If it pops too soon, press down again
Make toast.
YEAH, TOAST!
YEAH, TOAST!


When the first caveman drove in from the drags
Didn’t know what would go with the bacon and the eggs
Must have been a genius, got it in his head
Plug the toaster in the wall, buy a bag of bread
Make toast.
YEAH, TOAST!
YEAH, TOAST!


Oui Monsieur, bonjour croquette,
Une croissant? Et vous auvent?
Maurice Chevalier, Eiffel Tower,
Oui Marie, baguette, bonsoir!
(Oh in my ribs I have Bon sua!)

FRENCH TOAST!
FRENCH TOAST!

In Chicago we're on the Bob and Tom show

YEAH TOAST!!

eh uh uh
TOAST!!

---

(the french part has the following pronunciation):

Oh we mah sure bon jour cah cet
Uh huh con a soon tay voose a vet
Maurice a vera Eiffel Tower
O we mah re ba get bon swar

Bonjour = good day, hello
Croquette - is food (duh) like chicken croquette
Maurice Chevalier - a famous comedian from the 50's
Bonsoir (bon-swar) = good evening, hello

Caveat: This song is too hillarious and I don't care why most people believe the lyrics were by Missy Elliot while Bob & Tom credit it to Heywood Banks.

Just so you know, the French part isn't supposed to be french. It is merely a comglamoration of words that when said at the appropriate speed and tone sound like french. To back this statement, the last line of the alleged "French" section is: "Oh in my ribs I have Bon sua!" The last two words are french only. Yet another of the writer's examples of hilarity.

Note: The cartoon version of the performance is available as a video.